Spread the word
Less politics, more mindless drivel ...
Well, it seems like at least two people read this piece of shit that is grandly referred to by the title of "web log."
Megan requested less politics, more mindless drivel. Seeing as I actually do possess a brain, this may be difficult. Nonetheless, I shall still attempt to comply with her request.
- I lost two games of ten-pin bowling against a friend last week when we took two kids out on respite. I politely asked permission for an opportunity to kick her arse, which was presented on Saturday night. I started off really well, with a nine and two splits, but it was all downhill from their and I lost big-time - no surprises there. However, I also got picked up by a 22 year old metal-loving goth, which was a bit of a shocker. What this dude saw in me I don't know - I don't even have my nose pierced anymore, as it fell out and was too painful to reinsert - but he gave me his phone number. Needless to say that unless he wants a babysitter, I shan't be calling it. However, 'tis good to know that I'm still hawt.
- I had a phone call from a new employer today. All I have to do is pass a physical exam (which shouldn't be a problem, seeing as I passed the last one I did at the same place with flying colours four years ago when I was almost twice the size I am now) and I'm in. The only problem is finding a time - I'm booked for the rest of the week. Gee, life's tough when you're in demand.
- Speaking of in demand - I sent a job application off to a pre-school this morning, and they're already requesting to interview me this afternoon. Therefore, not only am I hawt and in demand, I'm hawtly in demand.
- Points two and three are good, because I have to hand in my job-search diary to Centrelink today, and I don't think I've applied for enough jobs. I may be about to be kicked up the butt good and proper (ie be penalised for a certain amount of time by losing any benefits I'm entitled to), so it will be handy to have some extra cash laying about, because I'm stony, stinking broke. Therefore, I'm hawtly in demand, but hope to avoid being remand.
- I went to work today with another woman that I knew from my former place of employ. Lovely though she is, she's driving me absolutely batty with discussion of a new scheme she's got under way ... in fact, she talked so much that she distracted me enough so that I didn't notice when one of the boys we were supervising escaped and managed to lower himself into a three-metre-deep drain at the back of the play facility that we were attending at the time. How he avoided hurting himself, we don't know, because he was happily playing naked in the puddle at the bottom of the drain when I found him. Luckily, a father came to help me get him out with hardly a scratch on him. I shudder to think what would have happened if it had been pissing down with rain ... the mind fairly boggles. So, now I'm hawtly in demand, but hope to avoid being on remand, because he didn't follow my command.
To add anymore to this would spoil it, so methinks I'll stop procrastinating now and go flash a brown-eye down at Centrelink in order for them to redecorate my butt black and purple. Who knows, I may pull another goth ... or perhaps a genuine, certified Holden-driving, tracksuit-panted bogan.
Oh, yeah. Just a little more mindless drivel before I go.
I asked someone the other day if they thought the world would be a better place if they said what they honestly thought and felt, rather than pretending. I never got a response, but here are my thoughts on the topic.
I'm amazed that people are so damn easy to fool. I've actually been shocked by the number of people have said to me during the last four weeks "You seem so much happier." All I want to reply is "I'm a good actress. I may look fine, but inside I'm completely shredded."
I've come to realise that what they see as "happiness" is actually compliance. I've gotten over "that piece of foolishness" and am "moving on with my life." What they don't realise is that the "piece of foolishness" that they're referring to is a commitment that I made, for better or worse, for what I thought would be the rest of my life ... with all the hopes and dreams that this entailed. The fact that these hopes and dreams are now shattered has still left me gutted, nearly five weeks on.
However, I'm doing what THEY want me to do, so what I want really doesn't matter, does it?
In retrospect, the simple fact is, it never did. I got kicked from pillar to post, always fighting, fighting, fighting for what I believed in under pretty horrific circumstances. Now that I've stopped fighting, to all appearances all the problems have simply gone away. However, it doesn't change how I feel or what I want. It also doesn't change the fact that the person I am when I'm compliant is not me - it's just someone who knows how to think the "right" thoughts, say the "right" things, complete the "right" actions.
In other words, it's all a sham. The problems are still there, but they're unresolved - and to be quite honest, I don't think they ever will be. I'm not strong enough to fight anymore on my own.
No doubt I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again ... and again ... and again. Maybe I'll start following a wild hare that will lead me to people I never expected to meet, places I never expected to go and things that I never expected to do. However, right now it seems like that side of myself will ever see the light of day again.
I think I'll go to bed instead, with the option of remaining there for the rest of my unnatural life.