Spread the word
Am I still drunk?
*Ahhh* ... Smirnoff. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Well, one way really - as part of their Premium Ice Double Black range. It's promoted as "a strong blend of Smirnoff Vodka and citrus." They weren't wrong when they said "strong", as there are two shots of lovely, slimy, rotten potato juice per bottle. *Sighs contentedly* How can one go wrong?
LOL! Well, if you remember this post, plenty :-D All I recall from that night is becoming, shall we say, one of the more extroverted versions of myself, prior to collapsing in a vodka-sodden heap to the embarrassment of all and sundry. The simple facts of the matter were:
- I was unaware of the number of shots per bottle, and
- I had nothing to eat beforehand.
On this occasion, I wised up ... dinner first, drinks later and a pleasantly burning sensation in my tummy that did not result in drunken collaspe, or, surprisingly enough, a hangover. Sorry to disappoint you, but perhaps I'm finally learning how to hold my liquor.
All I can say to that is, took bloody long enough!
That was the week that was, it's over, let it die ... fifty-two times a year, the glad weeks and the sad weeks ... that was the week that waaaaaaaaaaaas.
Turns out that it was the week of kinky ideas.
My personal favourite resulted from the receipt of my first pieces of Tupperwear on Monday - three pieces, ruby-red, microwave-safe. I love them ... so much in fact that I have named them Georges II, III and IV, in honour of George I, who is personified as my personal assistant in laminator form.
I've been so delighted with the performance of Georges II through IV that I hug them and squeeze them and kiss them and take them to bed with me. They're very cold, but they soon warm up when given a bit of loving attention. I must confess that George I became very annoyed to have been displaced - so much so, that he decided to eat one of my pieces of laminating film. As a result, I did something to him that I've never done before. I kicked him.
In any case, I digress.
When the Georges arrived, a friend and I were discussing the fact that the price of Tupperwear is positively prohibitive, unless it's purchased as part of a sale package. In case you're unaware, you have to be prepared to mortgage your home to buy individual items. As an illustration of the case in point, I'll quote you the $273 it costs to purchase a lidded frying pan.
During this discussion, I discovered that one of the reasons why these goodies are so expensive is that all Tupperwear goods come with a lifetime guarantee. THIS little gem of information got me thinking ... what if Tupperwear decided to expand their range? Who is the market? Women, mainly. What do women discuss when they get together? Well, sex, naturally - or unnaturally, dependent upon your point of view. This had me thinking about various things that are, quite frankly, too filthy to share, being the dirty, DIRTY person that I am (a reference that at least ONE person reading this will surely appreciate), except for one.
What if Tupperwear started to make sex-toys with a lifetime guarantee?
Just think of it! Dildos, vibrators, transparent plastic lingerie - the list could go on forever! This could bring the Tupperwear brand into the twenty-first century, changing its wholseome face in perpetuity. No more images of dowdy housewifes, but women with boots and plastic whips in Tupperwear-branded PVC. Career women in mini-skirted business suits, holding cocktails whilst exchanging opinions on whether they need a push-up or minimising Tup-Cup in their peek-hole brassieres to stop their husbands from charging off with the au pair.
I even have a brand-name for the new enterprise ... Tup Sluts.
Of course, I could stick with my other brilliant idea - a rehash of Bananas in Pyjamas as Spuds in Duds - but in these days of drought, there's more money in sex than vegetables.
I must admit that after reading this over, I'm wondering if I still must be drunk to allow any of this to see the light of day.
